This blog series is a fun crossover between How to Break an Evil Curse by Laura Morrison and The Black Pearl by Jennifer Flath. You can read the novels for free at JukePop Serials.
Having gotten nowhere at the palace, Alexander attempts to find the royal family or information about the royal family. Instead, he has to deal with pirates. And Lola.
On the pirate ship, I ran into a group of rough men sitting around a small, square board, counting pieces around colored squares. One of them moved his little figure and dropped it on top of another. “Sorry!” he yelled. The rest of the men laughed uproariously and the apparent loser upended the game, sending half a dozen pirates scrambling on hands and knees to pick up flying colored figures. “You know how mad the Captain gets when pieces are missing!” one of them muttered.
“Excuse me,” I interrupted. “Could anyone tell me the whereabouts of the Princess or the Prince?”
One of the game pieces rolled over to me and hit my boot. A pirate chased it, grabbed it, and stood. He said, “The prisoners are the ones who saw them last. You might want to talk to them.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to pirate prisoners, but I had some hope that pirates took pleasant, upstanding members of society prisoner. I was soon to be proved wrong.
“Oh!” the pirate said, “There they are!” He pointed. I looked where he was pointing and saw a huge, bearded man and a blond young woman in an elaborate, lacy dress that seemed quite inappropriate for a pirate ship. He was on a deck chair near the front of the ship, and she was sitting on his lap, giggling and tossing her hair.
“Those are prisoners?” I clarified.
“We didn’t have the heart to leave them in the brig,” the pirate explained. “We love the Capt--er--ex-Captain so much. He’s a great guy.”
“Then why--” No, I did not want the answer to that question. Instead I walked toward the two lovebirds. “Greetings,” I said, “I am Alexander, and I was hoping to ask you about the revolution and the whereabouts of the Prince and the Princess.”
They both blinked at me. The inappropriately-attired woman scanned me up and down.
“What is your role in the revolution? And where are the royal children?” I tried asking directly instead of implying.
Why on earth do you want to know about them?” the young lady asked. She batted her eyelashes and asked, “Do you work out? You look like you must lift a lot of weights.”
Was she flirting from another man’s lap? The ex-Captain looked from her to me and put a hand on the hilt of his sword. She was definitely flirting. I had no desire for a sword match on the slippery deck of a ship. Who knew I would need the jaguar to rescue me from an overly amorous pirate prisoner and her insecure bearded companion?
The pair gasped and recoiled as Pepper hopped off his box-laden platform and joined me. All around the deck, pirates jumped into the rigging or disappeared below deck. In a matter of moments, the four of us were alone on the deck.
“You have control of that beast?” asked the man.
No. “Yes,” I said.
The young lady leaped to her feet and walked up to me, placing a hand on my upper arm. “Oh! Oh my goodness! What is that creature?” She spoke like she was annunciating for an audience. There was no audience. She scooted uncomfortably close to me. This was Winter Festival of three years ago all over again.
Her companion was on his feet in a moment, striding over and eyeing me angrily as though I had in some way invited this attention. This really was Winter Festival of three years ago.
I chose to respond with complete oblivion. Perhaps I had stumbled on some sort of bizarre social ritual. “I’m a historian from another place, and I’d love to know more about your society. I’m having trouble finding someone who knows much.” About anything. “You must be the former Captain,” I guessed. “And Jane?”
The young lady gasped sharply and backed away as though I’d struck her. “Max!” she cried. “Why would he assume--are you keeping something from me? What--”
Max said, “Of course not, sweet Lola! Jane is nothing to me!” Then, he glowered at me and advanced, drawing his sword as he came. “How dare you storm onto my ship uninvited and start throwing around accusations? How do you dare?”
Behind his back, Lola’s eyes were shining with something that looked a lot more like excitement than outrage.
This situation was out of control. There was no chance I was going to fight a sword-happy pirate ex-captain for the affections of an attention-seeking dramatist. Pepper liked the situation about as little as I did. He was under strict orders to allow no harm to come to me, and the pointy end of a sword looked a lot like harm. He growled. McManlyman froze.
“Uh,” said Lola, taking in the scene as it unfolded. “Um, can you call off that creature?”
“I think I’d rather keep all of my appendages,” I answered. Pepper took a step forward, ears flat against his head and teeth bared.
“Max,” she said quickly. “I’m sure he meant no offense. It was just a misunderstanding! Ha! Ha!”
McManlyman growled, but looked at Pepper and nodded. “OK, dear. Sure.”
“No hard feelings. Right, my love?” she asked.
McManlyman gritted his teeth, then sighed. “No hard feelings,” he muttered, sheathing his sword. He even went so far as to extend his hand toward me as though to shake it.
Against my better judgement, I took his hand. Sure enough, he gripped my hand as though he intended to break my fingers. He growled at me, “I’m going to break your fingers, you puny wimp. No man makes eyes at my girlfriend and escapes unschathed.”
“Fiancee,” Lola muttered.
“Look,” I said through gritted teeth. McManlyman was nearly as strong as Issabeth on a rampage. “I have no interest in your fiancee.”
This was the wrong tact.
“How dare you!” Lola gasped.
“What do you mean, you have no interest in my girlfriend--uh--fiancee!” McManlyman roared. “She’s stunning! Perfection! How can you not want to steal her away from me?”
Lola smirked and tossed her hair, then struck a pose against the rail of the ship. We had different definitions of perfection, the crazed pirate and I. I’d blame cultural differences, but I’ve met my share of Lolas. More than my share. One was too many.
“I can see why you’re an ex-Captain,” I muttered. That was probably unwise, because I liked my fingers.
“I won’t stand here on my own ship, and--”
“Ex-ship,” I pointed out.
At that point, the infuriated man yelled like a Wraiwag and released my hand to charge at me.
Pepper literally leapt to my defense, and McManlyman was flat on the deck in an instant.
“What, you’re not man enough to fight me yourself!?” McManlyman roared. “What man would hide behind a cat for protection? Is that sword just a fancy decoration?”
“You tell him, Max!” Lola said.
Really? “Any man with the tiniest amount of common sense,” I said. “That cat is about to separate your arm from your body.” I shook out my throbbing hand.
“If that happened, you’d never make it off this ship alive!” McManlyman said and gestured around the deck with his free arm. He had apparently forgotten about how all the pirates had gone into hiding at the sight of Pepper. “Oh…” he said, taking in the pirate-less deck. “Uh…”
Pepper really was going to rip off his arm, so I withdrew my sword with a sigh. “If you’d do me a favor and not bleed all over this sword,” I told him, “it’s one of my favorites.”
McManlyman laughed a laugh he must have thought very intimidating, and said, “If you’d do me a favor and mop up your blood off my deck once I’m done with you! If you’re alive to do it!”
“Oooh, snap!” Lola said, though I’m not sure why since it hadn’t been the best insult, and he still had a jaguar sitting on his chest.
“You won’t have to worry about the blood,” I pointed out. “If you hurt me, the jaguar will remove your head from your body. He’s under strict orders.”
McManlyman said, “Whatever. I’ll remove his head from his body before he can do that to me. Get him off me so we can fight.”
“Come here, Pepper,” I called. The cat needed some extra motivation, so I fished out a tuna roll for him. He leaped to trap it with his paws.
“Yeah that’s right, you’re walking away!” McManlyman yelled at the retreating jaguar. “You pansy!”
Pepper ignored him while he licked tuna remains off the deck.
I sighed and brandished my sword. “Are there rules to combat in Fritillary?”
“Whoever dies first loses,” McManlyman said as he pushed himself to his feet and drew his sword. He flashed Lola a grin.
She blew him a kiss. He pretended to catch it.
