This blog series is a fun crossover between How to Break an Evil Curse by Laura Morrison and The Black Pearl by Jennifer Flath. You can read both novels for free at JukePop Serials.
Previously, Alexander has tried to get information on the country of Fritillary. He'd like to find the royal family, but he's currently stuck on a pirate ship with Lola, Ex-Captain McManlyman's girlfriend. Start at the beginning with Part 1 here.
Lola had me trapped. My weapons were limited to a sword and a bag full of writing supplies and food. I briefly wondered how she would respond to having tuna rolls pitched at her face, but decided Pepper would be upset by the waste. The sword was tempting, but instead I shifted the bag around me to back her up enough to allow me to grab for the door handle.
“It’s been lovely,” I said, relieved to be in the safety of the doorway, “but I have to go unless you have information. Specifically information regarding the royal family.” Specificity seemed essential in this case.
Lola flounced down onto a chair and sighed, “There’s someone else, isn’t there?” She tossed her hair. She tossed her hair forlornly, if you can envision that.
I very much wanted to explain to her that it would not have mattered, but instead I told her, “There is.”
My attached status immediately backfired on me. I might have remembered this effect from my brief engagement to a Curi duchess, but I try very hard not to remember those two weeks of my life.
“Oh well don’t you let a little thing like another girl get in the way of us!” she said. “Why not have a little fun? It doesn’t even count if you’re in a different country than her.” She tossed her hair.
Every single statement she just made offended the core of my being. I was nearly speechless. “Don’t you have a very possessive fiance?” I spluttered. Or morals, I did not say.
She laughed and waved a hand dismissively. “The secret to keeping a relationship going,” she said, leaning forward and taking on an air as of one imparting important information, “is to keep your partner on his toes. Keep him guessing. Make him jealous. Flirt with other guys a little every now and then so he doesn’t get complacent. A guy has to work for it if he wants me. And you, Alexander. You should be thinking like this. You really should. You don’t want her to leave you, do you?” She tossed her hair. “Plus, monogamy's so outdated, don’t you think? Marriage doesn’t have to mean you never look at anyone else ever again!”
I needed to cut her off. She certainly had a lot of views on this topic. View that were starting to give me a headache. “Why, exactly, are you getting married?”
“For the party, of course!” she exclaimed with a face that plainly showed she thought I was an idiot. “Every girl dreams of her fairy princess wedding day! The dress! The presents! Plus, someday I will be old and the boys I like probably won’t be interested in me anymore.” She began to pout. “I need to be realistic. When you’re old, it makes sense to have a husband. Security and all. It doesn’t make sense when you’re young and beautiful like I am, but unfortunately you gotta get married when you’re young and good men are still available. Is conundrum the right word for this problem, Alexander?”
“Toxic” was the right term for this problem. I knew far too many Lolas. Early in her monologue, she had passed the point where she deserved a reasonable response to her manic rambling, so I said, “Conundrum indeed. I’ll sure let you know if I want to explore empty, soul-sucking relationships. You seem to be quite the expert.”
She glared at me, sighed a melodramatic sigh, and said, “It really is a shame. We could have such fun. Do you live in a port? I’d like a man in every port. You know, if you change your mind.”
“Lola,” I tried, against my better judgment, “someday you’ll want someone who will bring you chicken soup when you’re sick or tell you when you’ve made a stupid decision. Living life a moment at a time is dangerous stuff. And exhausting.”
She gave a condescending laugh and said, “Dear Alexander, I think I know a thing or two about love. I could fill up five sheets of paper front and back listing the names of the plays I’ve read about love. I never read about one time a man brought a woman soup.”
“I’m sorry for you,” I said. I was actually sorry. I was even sorry for McManlyman at this point. “I’m less of an expert than I thought I was a few years ago, but I happen to be in love with an expert on love. It’s a shame for everyone else the one perfect woman any world over is in love with me.”
“You’ve got some nerve, coming onto my ship and implying I’m not perfect!” she fumed. “Well, you just have fun with that wonderful, perfect lady. See how long that lasts. Have fun always wondering what could have been if you’d said yes to me.”
I shuddered.
She looked as though she was about to say something, but wasn’t sure she wanted to. I stayed quiet and waited. After a while she said, “What’s so great about her, anyway? Like what is it about her that makes you not want other ladies?”
“To clarify, the two parts of your statement are not connected,” I pointed out. “If I had a type, you would be the opposite of. As far as Rin is concerned, she is funny and too serious, powerful and insecure, beautiful and oblivious. She’s a perfect paradox. Actually,” I considered. “Take everything you just said and reverse it. That’s my Rin.”
“Don’t you ever want something different or more exciting?” pouted Lola.
I laughed at the “more exciting” part. “Love is never boring. And even if I forgot that, I’d never trade it for empty promises. Loyalty is stronger than steel, more comfortable than silk, and more valuable than gold.”
“It’s never boring because you picked an exciting person, though, right? Like I dated an actor, and now I’m engaged to a pirate. See, exciting.”
“I’m sure you missed my point. Rin and I would be happiest reading by a fire all day. It’s everything around us that insists on being exciting all the time.”
Lola just gave me a blank stare. A stare that told me quite plainly there was no point of connection between her definition of a relationship and mine. I guess we would have to settle for pitying the other.
“I do have a brother you’d get along with,” I offered. “He loves shallow relationships.”
“Shallow? I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. Exciting. It’s exciting relationships. Not shallow.”
“My mistake,” I sighed. “Are copious drinking and expensive parties exciting?”
She raised her eyebrows with interest and asked, “Is he cute?”
“We’re twins,” I said.
“Ooh! Like identical ones?”
“Supposedly.”
“Is he the twin who’s fond of too many sweets or something? Or he lost an arm in a battle? Because in those cases, no way. But if not, then sure! I’d love it if we could arrange something.”
“Although you two would get along fabulously, I’m afraid he’s not likely to be near any port you might stop at.”
“Then why on earth bring up the offer in the first place!?” she said and tossed her hair.
I had three options here. I could try to argue her definition of shallow, explain the function of sarcasm, or try desperately to salvage something worthwhile out of this aggravating conversation. “Perhaps you could stay focused on information regarding the royal family?”
“Fine. Though I don’t see what’s so interesting about them. The Princess is my half sister. She stole my old boyfriend. But he was a cad anyway. Treated my heart like a--oh, I don’t know--a something that people don’t treat well. Plus, he wasn’t as big an actor as I’d thought he was.” I noticed her hand fly to a locket she wore around her neck. “He was so horrible. I totally don’t have feelings for him anymore.”
There was truly a social mystery--why the Lolas of all worlds had men falling at their feet. She had gotten wildly off track, but it looked like she did know something relevant.
“Are you sure you don’t know anything about how to find the Princess?”
“No one in the whole kingdom knows where she is. But my ex might.” She paused and fussed with her locket once more. “I’m not sure where he is either. But--is this important? Like important enough to track down a wizard or something? Max knows one.”
I was doubting how important my historical research was, especially if Captain Max needed to be involved.
“Don’t worry yourself,” I said. “I’ll find something else to write about.”
“Well I am a blood relative of the royal family! How about me?” She stood up and started toward me again. I was out of patience for her advances and next to the door handle. I pushed the door open. She stopped in her tracks and glanced out to the deck, where Pepper and a soaking wet McManlyman were having a standoff.
“Do you have information about the royal history of Fritillary?” I asked again, leaning against the doorframe.
“Well… the King is my dad. His wife was an asparagus farmer. They have two horrible children. That’s all I know. Except that if my ex has anything to say about it his children will also be a part of the royal family. He’s a social climber. Horrible person.”
If Lola believed her ex was a horrible person, he was probably somebody I would enjoy talking to. Besides, he had an actual connection to the royal family. Unfortunately, unless someone showed up that moment who had a connection to this person and could get me to him, I was running out of time.
“Hey!” a yell came from out on the deck. “Alexander?” It was Copper, and he was walking over toward me. I was relieved to see him. I would have listened to books full of questionable poetry at that moment.
“Thank you for this informative conversation, Lola,” I said, backing out the door. “I’m sure you and the Ex-Captain will be very happy together.” I was not sure. In fact, I was sure this relationship was not based on anything likely to last long.
Lola flopped back down onto the chair and turned her back to me without a word.
